In a previous post i talked about being 24 and never being in a relationship. Well update: I’m now 25 and i’ve never been in a relationship and not even come close.
Why is love so hard to find? I know this isn’t the case for a lot people but for me it just seems to be impossible! I’ve been doing the online dating thing for a while now and by a while i mean a number of years (how embarrassing!). The day i first signed up to one i was sure that i was going to meet a nice guy, go on my first date and then begin a relationship but that’s all too easy isn’t it!
Basically during the time i’ve been online dating i’ve never actually met up with a guy, so i’ve yet to even have my first date. I must have had over 100 conversations with guys and whilst yes that may sound like a lot, i’d say over 90% of those conversations lasted a few messages long. The remaining 10% are the conversations that have had meaning to them and i’ve gotten on well with the guys but for whatever reason they just never amounted to anything.
I just seem to find it so hard to find a guy who i actually even want to consider meeting. Maybe i’m being quite picky but i always seem to have doubts with a lot of the conversations. I’ve had a lot of problems with guys stopping replying, showing no interest, wanting sex or not looking for any sort of relationship and then also with them not living near me. These things that always seem to happen just make me constantly want to give up. I know that online dating isn’t the be-all and and end-all and there are other ways to meet guys outside of it but for me that isn’t really an option. My lack of social life (that’s a story on it’s own) means that i never go out to the places you tend to meet guys like bars etc. so i feel like that is my only option.
I don’t know why i find it so hard to meet someone, there is meant to be someone for everyone and let’s face it, it’s unlikely i’ll find my happy ever after with the first guy so that would mean there is multiple people for everyone! To some extent i feel like my dating life is on a permanent pause and with things always seeming to stay the same, it can be really easy to get stuck into a mentality of believing that i will be single all my life.
I think that positivity is the key, to just keep on having conversations and putting myself out there and one day there will be someone who i just gel really with. Not knowing when is the biggest thing because it could happen in a month or it could be in a year. I’m just going to carry on being myself and if a guy can’t except me for me then i’ll talk to as many as i need to find the one that is right.
You can pretty much guarantee that i will be doing another post on this but will things be different for me next time? Only time will tell!!
I’ve been signed up to Tinder for a while now and i do think it’s one of the better dating sites. However, the time spent on Tinder thus far hasn’t changed my love life in the slightest. I’m constantly finding myself getting annoyed with it and honestly (well for me), i don’t believe it can amount to anything romance wise.
Here are the things that have got me annoyed….
1. Group Photos
How am i meant to know which one you are, if all your photos are of a group of like 20 guys? And not to sound judgy but the chances are, it ends up being the one you didn’t want it to be.
2. “It’s not my kid”
I’ve come across many profiles where a guy has a photo with a baby/kid and you can’t help but automatically assume he has a child. He then has to state in his profile that “It’s not his kid”.
3. “It’s my sister in the photo”
Along the same lines as the previous one but this time it’s when they have photos with a girl who looks their age. Even though guys with girlfriends shouldn’t be on dating sites (though some do!), you can’t help but assume they must have a girlfriend!
4. Pretending to be a famous person
There isn’t many of these profiles around, when you do come across one though, they are actually quite funny. I seen a guy whose pictures were all of the actor Ansel Elgort from The Fault In Our Stars and another guy using pictures of Jensen Ackles from Supernatural, yet he was using a different name. How can they possibly think that they can get away with it?
5. Do guys actually message first or at all!?
Maybe i’m matching with the wrong guys but seriously i would say that i must start the conversation about 95% of the time and more than half of the conversations don’t happen because they never reply! I don’t know, maybe i’m matching with the wrong guys!
6. Not being able to have preferences
I get that Tinder is trying to offer something different to it’s competitors but not having preference for certain things annoys me!
Here are some examples of things we should be able to preferences on:
🔴If someone is a smoker
🔴If someone has a kid
🔴What they are looking for e.g dating, fun, serious relationship
🔴How big of a social life they have
7. Not knowing what a guys intentions areThis is something that happens all the time and i know everyone has different preferences but that’s just something that isn’t on the top of my list when it comes to dating. This is probably also one of the main reasons why i have doubts about the site at times.
The other week a guy super liked me which rarely happens. He was giving me compliments, we had things in common and the conversation was flowing nicely. Then he asked me for my snapchat and we spoke on there for a while and then suddenly he asked me if i wanted sex.
8. Being unmatched/ignored when i’m having the best conversation
Picture the scene, you think you have found your dream guy and you are having such a wonderful conversation. You literally have so much in common, you don’t live far apart and you are both looking for the same things. Then out of the blue the guy just randomly unmatches you or they just stop replying and you just have no idea why. Did i say something wrong? Did they even like me? Was i catfished? You will never know but it’s super annoying and can make you feel crappy inside.
9. When they have the wrong age…. mainly because they lied on Facebook
Multiple times i’ve come across profiles where guys are the same age as me (25) or somewhere near that and then i look at their profile and actually they are much younger. When young people want Facebook but they aren’t old enough, they put in a much older date of birth hence their profile saying they are older than they are.
10. Mentioning in their profiles that they take drugs or that alcohol is one of their favourite things in life
Firstly drugs are a big no! Secondly, i’m not against drinking. I am teetotal but i don’t have a problem with it whatsoever. What i do have a problem with is someone who goes out drinking every night. I just don’t think it would work for me!
Yesterday i came across a video from a Youtuber named Sammi Quinn titled: I’m 20 and I’ve Never Been in a Relationship! and from watching it and reading the comments it really resonated with me.
I’m not afraid to admit, that i myself have never been in a relationship. I’ve always felt quite isolated when it comes to my relationship situation. Apart from a girl i met on Twitter who’s in the same situation, i think not knowing anyone personally who too hasn’t had a relationship has added to it but seeing the community of people who are in the same situation makes me feel less alone.
I’m 24 and aside from never having a relationship i’m also yet to have my first date, first kiss and basically first everything. It’s easy to put blame on myself and to feel like i’m the reason that i’ve been single all this time. I’ll think that i’m not pretty enough or that i don’t have a good enough personality, the reasons go on and on.
It’s also hard seeing loved up couples on the street or on social media and wishing you could have even a tiny bit of what they have. People who were in my year at school are getting engaged, some are even married with kids and i just feel like if they knew about my love life they would think that i’m a joke.
Not once in my school life did i had a guy show interest in me. People would get asked out all the time at school but not me! Sure enough i had crushes but they would always turn me down, a couple of them ended up dating my then best friend which hurt my feelings. It made me feel like i wasn’t good enough compared to her and it impacted how i seen myself looks wise.
I’ve been signed up to dating sites for a number of years now and i have yet to actually meet someone from it. I’ve had a number of conversations with various guys, quite a few have shown interest in meeting up but i always end up backing away and quite often i just stop messaging them. I know it’s awful of me to do that but i get scared about the thought of meeting up with an actual guy for the first time and just cannot face the situation.
The thing is, i know why i’m scared to meet someone.
1. I’m scared and i’m nervous, i get that nerves are normal and to be expected but i’m shy enough as is.
2. My insecurities don’t help. There are thoughts going round in my head like “Would he find me attractive?”, “Would my outfit look nice?”, “Will my shyness make the date awkward?”.
3. The fact that i’m 24 and with every passing year i’m getting older and feeling more negative about getting a boyfriend and i just get used to being single and am more accepting that someone like me just isn’t going to find love. And the longer time goes on the more embarrassed i feel.
Despite everything that i have written in this post, i won’t force myself to find a guy just for the sake of it or to impress others. I’m continuing with the online dating with a positive attitude and if i get talking to a guy who i really feel a connection with then i’ll cross the bridge of meeting him when i come to it.
If you are reading this and you feel like you can relate to what i have said then please leave a comment. I love talking to people who are in the same boat as me and it’s nice to communicate and update each other on how things are going. Also if you were in my situation and you’ve found your first love then please tell me your stories, it will be nice to hear what you have to say. Please only comment if you have someone nice to say on this, negativity isn’t appreciated.